“STEP OUT OF THE HISTORY THAT IS HOLDING YOU BACK. STEP INTO THE NEW STORY YOU ARE WILLING TO CREATE.” Oprah Winfrey
What powerful words by Oprah Winfrey. That is exactly what I would like to put out there to all the moms. Don’t let your past hold you back. Don’t allow your past negative experiences to form your present life story. Don’t let your punitive, permissive or uninvolved parent come out through you and onto your children. Don’t allow guilt to override you.
Here is what you can do to create YOUR NEW STORY for YOUR CHILDREN’S present and in turn, their FUTURE:
- Seek help from a professional and take care of yourself, deal with the past and make closure and move on. Learn about who you are and become confident about yourself.
- Have the right support (husband; partner; sister; brother; friend; therapist; positive and supportive parent…)
- Be loving and compassionate to yourself. Don’t be so critical. Use a positive reflective tone and words of positive affirmation for yourself: “I can do this. I am not alone. I am safe. I am best at…”
- Find time for yourself. Find a hobby. (Be present with yourself. So you can be present with your child).
- Connect with your wiser, bigger self (you are the adult, you are no longer the child). Connect with a moment in your life when you felt your best, let that lead you.
- Learn to regulate yourself: breathe; talk to someone; pray; meditate; exercise; do yoga; listen to music; knit; drink water (helping yourself be calm when needing to deal with your child’s challenging behaviour, allows the child to experience a more loving, nurturing, calm and understanding parent. Not a critical, abusive or avoiding parent.)
- Recognise your emotion and ask someone to step in if you cannot deal with the moment (Don’t lose your cool. But if you do: REPAIR! Apologise, admit that you can be wrong and try your best next time).
- Be a good role model to yourself, so your child can mirror you and in turn you are being a good role model to them.
- Learn to be playful (at times connect with your younger happy self). You allow the child to experience positive emotions and joy.
- Connect with your religion, or spirituality.
Here are a few resources or Apps you can use to help yourself:
The following are institutions or programs to assist women in South Africa or if you wanted to volunteer or donate to these organisations:
I shall end off with two quotes:
“We need to reshape our own perception of how we view OURSELVES. We have to step up as women and take the lead.”– Beyoncé
“Remember, no effort that we make to attain something beautiful IS EVER LOST.”– Helen Keller
